A long one, possibly.

Wow. So I haven't written in forever. A few weeks ago Comcast shut me down for being so delinquent with my bill.

Money has been going crazy again. It goes crazy so often that I have to wonder what I am doing that is not allowing my finances to remain somewhat steady and stable. I feel like there must be some personal block or saboteur inside of me that keeps this problem present. I'm either extremely well off with money, or scarily broke. It is not steady. This is going to change.

Anyway. I took out a loan this week for $1500 so I could pay my bills and go to L.A. with my senior class. I feel wonderful about it and extremely proud at how tenacious I was in finding a way to get this loan (and I actually got one from a reputable place). I also opened a student credit card, and got my tax money back early.

Whomp, whomp. All of this is sounding a bit boring. ANYWAY

I am going to LA, classes have started, and I am madly in love!

Classes are SO wonderful this semester. Last semester the only acting class I took was Acting for the Camera and this semester I am taking nothing but theatre classes and it is all so magical in the most wonderful way. I missed them. I feel as though I found my niche in film acting, but I aspire so badly to improve my stage skills. I recently found some this amazing documentary of Uta Hagen teaching and it inspires me so much. The ultimate goal of acting on film and acting on stage is the same. Both require vulnerability, honesty, empathy, love, trust, and work...but how you attain these goals and the techniques that get you there are different in the two mediums.

Anyway. I am in love with my Techniques of Michael Chekhov class and my archetypes class. As cliche and as "actor-y" as it may sound...they are moving me spiritually.

Each week in Archetypes we draw a card from the Archetypes deck. Our teacher throws them on the floor and someone scatters them about. You then pick up one you feel drawn to. Once you pick one, you share the card with the class and try to see how it currently relates to your life. Each archetype has a light side (positive) and a shadow (negative).This week I chose The Vampire. The light side of the vampire recognizes when someone or something is draining one of their life force. When manifested negatively, the shadow of the vampire reveals itself by feeding off of others' psychic energy to sustain their own. Complaining too much and co-dependency result.

I recently had to cut someone out of my life who was weighing me down heavily and robbing me of my peace. He would text me incessantly. He would follow me around work. I couldn't log on to facebook without being bombarded via chat by him. He would tell the people we work with that "I've kept him in limbo for years" and every action I had that was not immediately in his favor he would turn around and tell everyone I was being mean to him or something trite like that. I've been heavily annoyed by him for a while, but I knew he liked me and I did not want to hurt his feelings. I thought I had been pretty clear about how I felt towards him. Everyone knew I was not into him in that way, and they told him. (Yes - I recognize that I should have told him myself from the beginning.) He crossed the line though when he drunkenly attacked one of my co-workers via facebook chat and sent them links of specific pictures I had taken one night with someone else we work with. He implied to this person that the friend in the photos and I were dating, and he was oh so sad and the like. Being my friend on facebook is a privilege. I share things I like with people I like, but if you are going to stalk me and send links to people I barely talk to while simultaneously starting rumors and disrespecting not only me, but the relationship that I actually AM in. Then...I don't want anything to do with you and I am not going to pretend to be your friend for the sake of not hurting your feelings. I am over it.

GAH. This sounds so middle school like. Anyway. The Vampire Card reminded me of him. I don't handle people who cross boundaries too quickly well. Actually - I just don't like them.

Anyway - in terms of the shadow... I never want to be one of these boundary crossing leeches. But I do complain. And I can be co-dependent. But neither of these things serve me as a person, and I am going to watch out for them more.

ANYWAY. I am so excited for L.A. AND I AM SO so so so so excited and in love with so so so many things. in different ways. LOVE. <3