so rainy, so lazy

Goodness. The past few days have been rainy and overcast, which has made it incredibly difficult to get up and do anything.

I turned in my last paper on May 12th, and since then, all of my grades have been posted: All A's and one B. (How this happened, I have no idea.)

Also since then, I have turned into a completely useless mound of laziness. The weather has not helped this. I wake up relatively early and go buy some coffee. I come back to my apartment where I lie on the couch or in bed for hours - meandering about the internet or reading. Before I know it, the day is nearly done and the most productive thing I did was take a shower and paint my nails.

I guess part of me does not feel too guilty about this laziness. I just finished my last semester in school and will be graduating on Friday. Before life minus being an undergrad sets in - I think I have a right to be as lazy as I want for a few weeks, and to just take a huge breather in the middle of this gigantic transition. In fact - I hope it stays rainy and overcast, because it's pretty hard to be lazy when the sun is shining.

Now - I do have a few things to do before I leave Richmond, but there is still time. And I can do them and still be lazy.

Wow - I've used the word lazy in this post more times than is comfortable. So - I feel the need to remind myself that this laziness is NOT forever...it is only a small and well deserved vacation earned with four years of undergrad.

Sigh. Anyway - The Wafflettes are still going strong. I'm meeting with Malorie in a little bit to go over stories/make story boards for our next few videos. We are shooting three before I leave on the 30th. I'm excited to get out of the apartment today, even if it interrupts my laziness (Perhaps BECAUSE it interrupts it :) ).

MMMMM.....I just feel like stretching. Sigh - so relaxed. :)

PONYO

So, last night I had the honor of watching the movie Ponyo with a few people, and I must say - it is one of my new favorite films right now. It's written and directed by Hayao Miyazaki, the same guy who did spirited away. It's absolutely adorable, hilarious, and heart felt. Tina Fey, Betty White, Cate Blanchett, Matt Damon, Liam Neeson, and Noah Cyrus do voice overs for the English version.

The story follows a little fish human, Ponyo, who runs away from her overbearing Sea Witch Human dad. She meets Sosuke, a little human boy, and they fall in love. I don't want to give too much away because everyone in the world needs to see this movie pronto. Right now. Seriously.

I will say this though - a lot of elements from Hans Christian Anderson's original version of The Little Mermaid can be seen in the film. (Sea Witches, Magic, a little fish with a human head that wants to be a real girl, Ponyo forsaking her magic in order to be human, the threat of little Ponyo turning into sea foam if Sosuke doesn't love her back, etc.) This adds to the awesomeness. I admire people who draw inspiration from works like these, and then make them their own.

Speaking or original works - something inside of me has been itching to write for a long, long time. I keep coming up with fragments of ideas...but...something keeps holding me back from flushing them out into full, well rounded works. I've been making videos with my friend Malorie, and that has soothe the burning desire some (Jesus. Yes - I did just say "soothe the burning desire." HA), but I want to do more. I think I have this problem where I come up with these fantastic ideas for full length stories/movies...but...I don't actually work them out/write them out through trial and error. I have this fantasy that a golden piece of work will just fall into my lap if I just keep thinking about it hard enough. Well - it's not. I need to work on these, flush them out, figure them out, put the pieces together (and let me tell you, I have some pretty golden, glowing pieces that are waiting to become a whole picture). So, in a nut shell...I need to work...and experiment with the ideas I have...and learn as mush about stories and film as I can. I've written out the basic plots to a few of my ideas...but that's it. I need more detail and more experimentation. Actually - I need to just do it! :)

And I will. I am. And I love it. !!!

No Alarms. No Obligations.

This morning, something happened to me that has not happened to me in quite some time.


I woke up to no alarm and without feeling the pressure to get up and get things done. Maybe this sounds like a bad thing, but it certainly is not.

Granted, there was a small surge of anxiety upon waking. I'm so used to getting up and immediately getting out of bed in order to get a million things done.

But then I realized it was completely acceptable and absolutely fine to stay in bed as long as I wanted. I did not have to be anywhere or meet with anyone.

This entry is sounding a bit boring, but the relaxation I am feeling today is so so so so so wonderful.

Yes, I do have things to do. It is still early, and the overcast sky is only adding to how wonderful I feel.

This relaxed state and feeling of happiness (and lack of stress) are encouraging me to do what I need to do. I want to write my paper and clear out my apartment...and something about today feels so perfect. It's not lazy...just relaxed and encouraging.

I feel as though I have all the time in the world, and I am so comfortable.

And it is so, so, so, so, good. <3

The Destroyer :)

Today I am cleaning and throwing away so many things that I can't hold on to any longer...and it feels so great!

I'm getting ready to move out in about a month. I want to sell everything I own, and what I don't sell I will either throw or give away depending on its condition.

I have acquired a lot of stuff over the years...and it feels so nice to throw away things...to let them go!

Sigh - it makes me feel fresh and new and free. I like it.

I think I am going to go through my clothes next. I have a lot of clothes I don't wear or that are damaged that I keep because I like the material and think I might be able to make something out of it or find a use for it. No more. I'm letting it go for the most part.

When I'm done with that I am going to have some coffee and do some homework and things.

Woo!

New Video From The Wafflettes!

The Wafflettes are now on Myspace!


Anyhoo - I would much rather spend my days working on Wafflettes things, or filming movies, writing movies, auditioning, and the like rather than doing what is required of me at the moment : a theatre history exam.

Don't get me wrong - it is a fascinating subject, but I just feel like my foot is halfway out the door with school. I just want to focus on my career. I should have taken this class last year when senioritus was not such an issue!

butyeah!

CHECK OUT THE MYSPACE.

Last Thursday I drew "The Victim" card in archetypes. The light being "preventing yourself or others from being victimized." The shadow being, essentially, "playing the victim."

And throughout the week, I have seen the presence of this card. Over the weekend, I told Noah the story of this creepy guy who keeps asking me to be his friend on Facebook. I met him a few years ago, in the height of whatever delusional/depressive episode I was going through. He was friends with some people who lived on the first floor of my building, and they were constantly smoking on the stoop - so I saw them a lot.

I started telling Noah about this guy as a way to laugh it off, and be all like..Blah who is this guy -

But as I told the story of the one and only time we hung out - I went to a place I didn't even really know existed, I guess.

The night we hung out, we got drunk, and I told him that I would not sleep with him, but that he could stay over if he needed to...and then he basically molested me in my sleep. In the morning, he had written down his number with a message to call him. I didn't, but I later found his phone tucked away under my bed.

Anyway - I never felt too badly about the situation, and figured he probably didn't even remember what happened. But - he keeps requesting to be my friend online, and telling Noah about it made me realize how creepy the whole thing is. So I wrote him a note telling him how I felt (nothing sappy - cause it's not a sappy situation.)

I never felt like a victim in this situation - but, I guess I was in a way, and Noah helped me see that and encouraged me to stand up to him so that he wouldn't treat other girls this way.

Also - this week I have come to discover that a lot of folks whom I considered to be pretty good friends did some pretty shitty things while Noah and I were going through a rough time.

I was heartbroken, and would confide in them...tell them how horrible I felt...how much I still loved Noah, etc. They would sit and listen. Promise me not to say anything to Noah. Say they understood and that it was okay when I told them to just tell me to shut up about it if it was too much.

Well - apparently these folks would later go to Noah and chide me for talking to them about him. Which was a breach of trust on multiple levels. I told them not to tell anyone - INCLUDING Noah - what I was saying or that I was lamenting so fiercely. And they went straight to Noah to tell him about it, and to mock me. Thanks, guys.

I also found out that these same people also tried to fuck Noah.

GREAT.

Now, I realize that these people are probably closer to Noah than they are to me - but they never had to pretend to be my friend and hear me out. Pretend that their shoulder was open to me, when it never was and they just wanted to screw the guy I was crying over.

I want to let these people know that I know. Let them know how they made me feel and how shitty they are - but at the same time I don't want to start any drama. It was a while ago - and sadly enough I still care about these people.

But now I know they never really cared that much about me.

SO THANKS GUYS. Bleh.