Last Thursday I drew "The Victim" card in archetypes. The light being "preventing yourself or others from being victimized." The shadow being, essentially, "playing the victim."

And throughout the week, I have seen the presence of this card. Over the weekend, I told Noah the story of this creepy guy who keeps asking me to be his friend on Facebook. I met him a few years ago, in the height of whatever delusional/depressive episode I was going through. He was friends with some people who lived on the first floor of my building, and they were constantly smoking on the stoop - so I saw them a lot.

I started telling Noah about this guy as a way to laugh it off, and be all like..Blah who is this guy -

But as I told the story of the one and only time we hung out - I went to a place I didn't even really know existed, I guess.

The night we hung out, we got drunk, and I told him that I would not sleep with him, but that he could stay over if he needed to...and then he basically molested me in my sleep. In the morning, he had written down his number with a message to call him. I didn't, but I later found his phone tucked away under my bed.

Anyway - I never felt too badly about the situation, and figured he probably didn't even remember what happened. But - he keeps requesting to be my friend online, and telling Noah about it made me realize how creepy the whole thing is. So I wrote him a note telling him how I felt (nothing sappy - cause it's not a sappy situation.)

I never felt like a victim in this situation - but, I guess I was in a way, and Noah helped me see that and encouraged me to stand up to him so that he wouldn't treat other girls this way.

Also - this week I have come to discover that a lot of folks whom I considered to be pretty good friends did some pretty shitty things while Noah and I were going through a rough time.

I was heartbroken, and would confide in them...tell them how horrible I felt...how much I still loved Noah, etc. They would sit and listen. Promise me not to say anything to Noah. Say they understood and that it was okay when I told them to just tell me to shut up about it if it was too much.

Well - apparently these folks would later go to Noah and chide me for talking to them about him. Which was a breach of trust on multiple levels. I told them not to tell anyone - INCLUDING Noah - what I was saying or that I was lamenting so fiercely. And they went straight to Noah to tell him about it, and to mock me. Thanks, guys.

I also found out that these same people also tried to fuck Noah.

GREAT.

Now, I realize that these people are probably closer to Noah than they are to me - but they never had to pretend to be my friend and hear me out. Pretend that their shoulder was open to me, when it never was and they just wanted to screw the guy I was crying over.

I want to let these people know that I know. Let them know how they made me feel and how shitty they are - but at the same time I don't want to start any drama. It was a while ago - and sadly enough I still care about these people.

But now I know they never really cared that much about me.

SO THANKS GUYS. Bleh.